Reflections

Since I have had this week off of work, it has given me a lot of time to reflect and to continue my behaviour therapy work with Beck's Diet Solution. I'm training my brain to think like a thin person since I have had over 30 years experience being a "thick" person. Therefore, it is a work in progress since there is a lot of rewiring that needs to be done. But I now have NO CHOICE and OH Well in my daily vocabulary.

Part of my therapy was to create a list of the advantages of losing weight and I would like to share them with you instead of keeping them to myself like I have been for the past 50 days.

Beth's Advantages to Losing Weight
1. Being obese will NOT be my legacy
2. My family will no longer be concerned about my health
3. Be able to fit
4. Healthier lifestyle for my future
5. Be able to look at myself in pictures & the mirror
6. To look better & more attractive
7. More confidence
8. Smaller sizes, more stores, more clothes
9. Won't feel so self-conscious
10. Feel better physically
11. More stamina & energy
12. Better impression
13. Feel in control
14. Less self critical
15. Greater sense of self worth
16. Like myself better
17. Happier

So this is why I'm doing what I'm doing!! Why I'm say NO CHOICE and OH Well on a daily basis!!

The Dress

December 8, 2007

166. 4 pounds
173.4 pounds reduced
16.6 pounds until goal
Size Medium

OIM Weekend Pics

October 7, 2007

After the Race

Quails' Gate Estate Winery

Westbank, BC

October 6, 2007

Cedar Creek Estate Winery

Kelowna, BC

Okanagan International Marathon

Well, we did it is all I could think about as Bernie & I crossed the finish line on Sunday in Kelowna.

It was a day to be thankful that I listened to others in my life to get me to this point in my life where I can say that I completed a 1/2 marathon walk. That I listened to my in-laws concerns about my health and walked through the Weight Watchers doors. And that I listened to Heather when she told me that I could totally walk the Vancouver 10K Sun Run which showed me that I really could do distance walking and that I really enjoy it. And to Bernie, who always tends to get roped into these "long" walks.

It was a day of wonderful memories that will last a lifetime.

I had the honor of get my medal placed around my neck by a young lady in wheelchair waiting for walkers and runners to return to City Park. I had such an awesome feeling as we looked each other in the eyes and she said congratulations!!

I was patted on the back by a total stranger running by me completing his race telling me I can do this. How true is that!! I can do anything my heart and mind set out to do!!

Out of a group of 100 walkers, we finished right in the middle of the pack (51st and 52nd). Finishing the 21.1K in 3:08, which is faster then I thought we would do it in. I trained to walk it at 10min/k but we did it 8.9min/K. I guess the excitement of the day gets you moving faster.

There is always a what's next for me.

In February, I plan to climb the 48 story Sheraton Wall Centre for the BC Lung Association's "Climb the Wall" in memory of my Grandpa Smith.

The 2008 Sun Run of course!! But this year I plan to run it.

And then September, I will be walking in Weekend to End Breast Cancer, which is a 3 day 60K walk. I'm so thankful that the women in my life have not been effected by breast cancer but the stats are not in our favor since now 1 in 7 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer.

Kelowna Capital News - Okangan International Marathon Article

Oct 05 2007
Running for a personal milestone is satisfying
By Jennifer Smith Staff reporter

What better way to celebrate the sixth decade of life than with a really long run?It may not be for everyone, but for Edmontonian Doris Tachuk stepping out along this weekend’s new Okanagan International Marathon route is a triumphant way to celebrate her 60th birthday, a milestone she marked a week ago today.Tachuk is joining her daughter, Okanagan College public relations assistant Michelle Lowry, herself a bit of a half marathon expert with nine races to her name.Asked why her mother is doing it, Lowry said it was simply a solution to a problem.“About five years ago she started playing soccer and she realized she had to run a lot,” Lowry said. “So she took a learn to run clinic and then a 10K clinic and then she decided she was going to take the half marathon clinic and come to Kelowna and run.”Tachuk signed up for a running clinic in Edmonton and has been keeping pace with her daughter en route to the Kelowna finish line.It may not be the most traditional Thanksgiving celebration, but the Internet age, finding an on-line training partner or even training with family members across the country is not as unusual as one might think.

Kelowna resident Donna Assie-Kowbel will be spending the day with her sister, Tina Assie-Kurtz, as the pair test out their running legs in the OIM 10-kilometre race.The Assie siblings started running together last spring after Laura Assie-Lussier reached a weight loss goal with Weight Watchers.Robert Assie, 31, Donna, 34, Tina, 37 and Laura, 32, all ran their first race in June. Donna ran the five-kilometre distance at the Women’s Race here in Kelowna, while her siblings all took on the Bridge City Boogie in Saskatoon.“We all spoke afterward by phone and agreed that we were hooked and couldn’t wait to do it again,” said Donna.Over the summer “team Assie” took on several simultaneous races. Donna ran the Midsummer eight kilometre race in Kelowna, while her siblings were in the six-kilometre Dirty Half Dozen in Saskatchewan. In September, they took things one step further by joining forces to complete a full marathon in Regina each running one leg of the 42.2-kilometre race in the relay division.“I flew to Saskatchewan that weekend and we ran our hearts out together as a family for the first time,” said Donna. “We even had my nephew Keegan Lussier run the last 1.5-km in an all out sprint for the team.”

That spirit of achievement is the same feeling driving a much thinner Vancouverite, Beth Merk, down the street as well.The 34-yea-old has never been to Kelowna but intends to cross a major life hurdle here when she competes in the half marathon as a walker.Just over a year ago, Merk tipped the scales at 340 pounds and had decided she needed to loose weight before starting a family.Over the course of the last year she has lost 160 pounds ”enough to finally bring her down out of the obese category on the body mass index. I just hit that. I am no longer obese. So how appropriate to walk a marathon,” she said in a telephone interview from Vancouver.Last spring, an encouraging co-worker managed to convince her to walk the Vancouver Sun Run. Now, she and her husband are ready to walk the full 21.1 km half marathon distance this weekend.

The route for this year’s OIM will be different than in years previous, due to bridge construction.The run winds from the downtown core up through Glenmore via High Road, peaking on Sexsmith Road. Marathon runners complete the loop twice, half-marathoners do one loop, while the 10-kilometre run goes from downtown up High Road and loops back shortly before Glenmore Road.

jsmith@kelownacapnews.com

Dressed for Success

Taken 9/18/08

155 pounds lighter

Size 16 petite pants

Size 14 petite jacket

Size M (10-12) shirt

August 19, 2007 - One Year WW Anniversary

150.2 pounds out the door

Filling the Holes

Part of my journey is figuring out what are the holes in my life that I have been filling with food. I have to figure this out in order to break the cycle of my overeating and be able to maintain a healthy weight for the remainder of my life. I guess this is a step in all addiction recovery.

I totally do not want to place blame on anyone but I just have to figure out why a 4 year old would start turning towards food. I know that my family loves me and would do nothing to hurt me in anyway. I certainly want to figure this out so I might be able to prevent it happening to my children if I'm blessed with them.

I think part of my issues stemmed from being compared to my older brother and having the feelings of not living up to what I thought was expected of me. I know that I was never intentionally compared to him but looking back to lil things, I was comparing myself to him and not being able to be as great as my big brother. I also think this is part of the reason why our childhood relationship suffered.

Let me give you an example of my lil girl logic. It is report card time. My grandparents would give us money for the A's on our report cards. My brother was a straight A student and racked in the cash. I was a B student that really struggled to get those B's sometimes and walked away with less cash then him. So at that instance, I told myself that I'm not smart enough or good enough and I begin to feel those holes with what I know would make me feel better and less sad. CHEESE!!!

God bless my grandparents!! When though they are not here in body, their souls are looking down on me everyday!! I love them and I know in my heart that they are proud of the woman I have become. And it is only through this discovery of myself, I can feel proud of myself. It is tough feeling proud of yourself when you are always comparing yourself to others.

From this point on!! I'm me!!! I need to be proud of me!!! I will never be my brother, my neighbor, or that size zero model!!! I need to love myself for me!!!

Wowsers!!! It is amazing what blogging can do for a girl. And I'll be filling alot more holes as I continue on my journey.

My New Clothing Goal

I have found my new I'm going to get in this goal!! The next size 18 Tommy Hilfiger Jeans in my life. By the way, my Tommy's are to big for me now!! I officially can shop for size 16 pants. I'm amazed considering I was shopping just a lil over a year ago at Pennigton's for size 5x/32W and having a hard time finding things that fit. I now can fit into 1 leg of those pants I bought a year ago.

But I'm so excited about my new goal. Over the weekend, I found a $25 silk dress at the Chinese Night Market in Chinatown. It is midnight blue and very ohhh lalaaaa!! Keep it mind it is made for the Asian women population who have alot smaller curves then me!! But I'm going to get into this dress!! I'm going to continue full steam ahead with my training schedule for the Okanagan Marathon and going to aquafit. But for the fall, belly dancing here I come and perhaps a couple of sessions with a personal trainer to start working on the body tone and loose skin.

Put in me in some strappy heels and this dress and BAM!! You have one fine looking chick!! I can picture it now!!!

Don't you quit.......

When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down
When you feel like the biggest failure in town
When you want to give up just because you gave in,
and forget all about healthy and thin
So what! You went over your points a bit
It's your next move that counts...So don't quit
It's a moment of truth, its an attitude change
It's learning the skills to get back to your range
It's telling yourself, "you've done great up till now",
You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow"
It's part of your journey towards reaching your goal
You're gonna make it, just take control.
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace,
If you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler's, when loosing the grip,
just throw in the towel and continue to slip.
And learn too late when the damage is done,
that the race wasn't over...they still could have won.
Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
but facing each challenge will help you to grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint of the cloud of doubt.
When you're pushed to the brink,
just refuse to submit,
If you bite it, you write it down....
But don't you QUIT!!!

~WW Online 200+ message board~

Loving and Caring Support

To be successful at making this a lifestyle change, loving and caring support is 110% part of the game!!

I consider myself blessed to be surrounded by people that care about me and want to support me on this journey. From my co-workers, to my friends, to my family, to my fellow WW members, to Marisa (my WW leader), to Bernie (my best friend, soulmate, and loving hubby)

These people have filled my journey with so much support that I can't help but pay it forward to others that may need that lil nudge to get them going or to keep them go on their journey to a healthier and happier self.

But I'm going to need that continued support long after I get to my goal (whatever number it maybe)!! I'm getting to that point where a lil bit of fear is starting to poke through that history may repeat itself. I don't want to ever go back to being OBESE Beth!! I don't ever want to weigh over 200 pounds again (except if a lil Merk is in the oven)!! So I need those people around me to swear to tell me the truth and don't let me pack on the pounds again!! Just think of what it would do to my body and head space!!

I was watching TLC last night about the Brookhaven Obesity Clinic. This guy who weighed 1000 lbs worked with Richard Simmons 15 years ago and lost 750 pounds. Just to gain it back!! He then checked into Brookhaven and lost 500 pounds but checked out early. Just to gain it back again! He then was at Brookhaven for a 2nd time when Richard Simmons came for a visit. What really hit home was when Richard asked the guy's wife why she didn't say anything as he was gaining 50 pounds, 100 pounds, or 150 pounds back.

I'm asking you to please say something to me if I start gaining the weight back!! That story kinda mirrors mine. The only difference is the numbers when you think about it!! And I didn't have a lil pesky guy in short shorts and a sequined top pointing out a good question.

Thanks Bernie for being the 1st to agree to speak up!!! Yea, I do want to be your throphy wife!!! LOL It will really work now that people are starting to say that I'm looking younger!!

The coolest thing is that once I hit my goal and maintain then I become a WW lifetime member. So as long as I'm talking about WW with someone in my life and it is not in the past tense then I'm doing good.

I'm one blessed gal to have all of you in my life!!!

Onderland

I'm still in awe of myself even after a few days after my Sunday weigh-in!! My weight now begins with a 1!!! I have reached "Onderland" as it is affectionately called by Weight Watcher members.

Let me tell you!! I can't even remember the last time my weight was under 200 pounds not even in Michigan with LA Weight Loss. I'm totally awestruck and going into uncharted territory for me!! BUT IT FEELS FRICKN' FABULOUS!!

I'm getting so close to that half of me goal!! I'm starting to taste it!! As I have been thinking about my goal weight, I'm not to sure if I want to stop at 170 or go for 150, my goal according to WW (Weight Watchers). When I first started WW and I saw that number, I said righto!! NOT!! But now that I'm 49 pounds away from 150 instead of 190 pounds away, I now starting to say bring it on!! I'll be seeing my family doc in a few weeks and that will be at the top of the list of questions to get his thoughts on the subject.

Back to Reality

I think I can start saying that I vacationed and that "normal" is starting to return!! It was nice to see my family again but it was also nice to return from the land of Ice Cream. We had Ice Cream at least 7 times in the 13 days we were in Illinois. Bernie was shocked when I told him that I was Ice Creamed out. But I did stick to my commitments to myself and now I can say that I went on vacation and continued my successful weight loss journey.

What's next on my books?? The Okangan Marathon in in October so I'm going to start getting back into my training schedule. I'm also thinking about talking to a personal trainer to discuss my loose skin issue and start working on building some muscle to help with the some of those issues.

While on vacation, I did decide that I would stop hating my upper arms so much and that I should be proud of my loose and wobbly skin!! Since I have worked hard to get it and I should be able to wear tank tops if I want to since I can now fit into them. But that I really need to start working on building some muscles to help reduce the wobble!!

The most important thing that I learned is that if you make a plan that is attainable and not so far out there that you set yourself up for failure and follow it then the outcome will be 99.9% in your favor.

Dreams of Vacation

I'm getting so excited about vacation and I have had several thoughts about Weight Watchers, me and vacation. This is my final answer and I'm sticking to it!!

There are going to be many vacations in my lifetime so why should this one be an open ticket to the feed bag. I'm working on a lifestyle change here so why not practice on this one.

I'm going to be surrounded by supportive people so why not stick to the plan. Don't get me wrong!! I will be having Happy Joes Taco Pizza but just not eating the whole large pizza myself.

I'm committing to myself to:
-> Take my journal and at least keep track of the points if not more and will eat all of my points (Daily, Flex and AP)
-> Attend meetings. They are at 10:00am on Wednesdays
-> Limit myself to one can of diet coke per day after I have drank at least 2 lts of water
-> Walk for at least 35 min per day and complete at least 2 - 3 mile walks in the 2 weeks
-> Talk to my Mom to dig more into the whys of my childhood and my obesity

So that's my plan!! I will do it since there is no can about it!!

Sun Run Success

Yesterday, I completed the Vancouver Sun Run. I walked 10k in 98 minutes. As I crossed the finish line with Bernie holding my hand there was such a sense of accomplishment that came over me and I was in awe of my determination.

Back in January as I started training for this day, my goal was to have 100 pounds off my back by Sun Run Sunday and I did it!! Plus 10.8!!

The other day, I thanked my co-worker that talked me into signing up for our corporate walking team. Because when I first heard about it I was like righto!! Me walk 10k!! I don't think so!! She saw something in me that I was not aware of. And let me tell you I loved working towards a goal and having something that I could be totally proud of.

To keep up with the training, I'm going to start next week training to walk a marathon. I'm focusing in on the Okanagan Marathon in October and going to register for the 21.1k but train for the full marathon. Just think the sense of accomplishment I will have after walking 2 Sun Runs!!

The How You Do It Question

Many people have asked me how I do it and for advice on Weight Watchers. To be honest with you, I have found what is working for me. Each one of us is different and our bodies are looking for that balance it needs to become the best fat burning machine. One thing that I have learned is that our bodies want to be a normal weight and as long as you are giving it what it needs then it will fight with us in the battle of the bulge!!

Here's how I'm doing it:
~I journal the night before creating my menu that is within my daily points. I find it much easier for me if I just eat what is in my journal instead going willy nilly through the day. Trying to divide my points evenly throughout the day. Currently, I have 30 points so I try to break it 10 for breakfast/10 lunch & snack/10 dinner & snack.

~I don't eat my Weekly Points in order to cover the taste tests at work since I'm a Chef and it is just my nature to taste test!! And I'm working on eating at least half of my Activity Points in Almonds. It really goes against our ingrained thoughts about dieting but you have to EAT YOUR POINTS to be successful on our journey

~I drink at least 4 lts of water per day. Check out the hydration calculator website to find out if you are drinking enough.

~I walk every day (rain, shine, or snow) for at least 30 min. Lucy is a great walking partner and makes walking easy for me since she has to do her biz and she prefers not to do it in her yard.

~I follow the Good Health Guidelines and take a wide array of vitamins and supplements to insure that I'm doing this the healthy way

~I avoid eating after 9pm (3 hr before bedtime). However, I do drink one glass of skim before bed to help tide me over until morning.

~I try to satisfy a hankering or craving before it becomes a binge. This is a lifestyle change not a deprivation plan. If I want that cheeseburger, then I journal it and have it. Easy Peasy!!

~I attend my weekly meeting faithfully. I have faced the music that it is my AA meeting. I leave feeling so empowered and ready to continue on this journey. No one has ever told me that it was going to be easy. But my leader, Marisa, and my fellow members make the journey more bearable just knowing that you are not the only one out there.

~ I post on the WeightWatchers.ca message boards. I find that there is also someone out there walking in your shoes on the boards and just keeps my energy focused on the task at hand to lose half of me by St. Patrick's 2008. Challenges on the boards have helped me set lil goals along the way and brings the A factor front and center.

Just work on finding what your body needs and I hope that this has helped you to find that balance.

Walking through the doors is the first step

The name of the game for me is Accountability or as I like to call it the "A Factor." I still have not figured to out after being in this body for 33 years, why I can't just be accountable to myself and be successful. All I have figured out that it must be my sign or in my wiring that I need people around me in order for me to be accountable and to be successful on this journey. I have faced the music and can't wait to become a lifetime member of Weight Watchers since it is something I will always need. It is my addiction recovery program!!

Weight Watchers and I are a good match. Kinda like a fine wine and an aged cheese!! It brings the A Factor!! I still journal everyday and still weigh and measure. But if I want that wine and cheese, I can have it as long as it is accounted for!!

This program totally works if you work it how it is intended to be worked. There are 2 plans that you can follow: Core or Flex. I'm not sure that I could ever do Core since it is totally about listening to your body's needs in the hunger department and eating wholesome foods. I would talk myself into eating when I was satisfied. I love the Flex plan!! It gives me a stopping point. Zero points equals the hatch is closed. I have also learned that there is not a 3rd plan called the "Beth Plan". The program will not work if I start freestyling!!

The Change

I decided to join Weight Watchers on August 20, 2006. I had been checking out all the options that I had around me since I needed to do something about not being able to fit. To fit into my jeans, to fit into my subaru, to fit into my chef coats, to fit into airplane, to fit into society.

This was not going to be my 1st battle of my journey. I had been successful in shedding pounds before but it is when there is a life hiccup where I run a ground. This can not be healthy for me to be a yo-yoer and I really want the chunky kid off my back.

I have always been the chunky kid. I clearly remember my brother getting into fights at school to stop the kids picking on me. I just don't want to pass that on to my kids. I can only imagine how cruel kids are today if they were that way in the 70's and 80's.

When I was 15, my family joined Weight Watchers. We had great success and I lost over 100 pounds. Then I had jaw surgery and was wired shut for 3 months and stopped going to Weight Watchers. So, the chunky kid was back. I was having being a kid and then off to college I went and lots of fun there.

In 2002, the chunky kid was feeling alone in Michigan and started asking the why's of life. Why did I chose my career as numero uno? Why did that breakup lead to a new relationship with Ben & Jerry? Why did my feet hurt so much that I couldn't walk after a long day at work? Why did my work clothes cost so much? And then one day as I was bonding with Judge Judy, bam a LA Weight Loss commercial came on and before you knew it I was walking in to the store and signing my tax return over to them. One year later, I was lighter!! In the pockets and in my waist. I had lost 134 pounds!! I was feeling great about myself and want to change more of the whys?? So I started dating again looking for the guy for me. The market in Michigan was not the greatest so I opened up my search up to the worldwide web. Lo and behold, a guy from Canada was my soulmate and lifelong best friend. After talking to Bernie, I decided to fly out to Vancouver and meet him for my 30th birthday. Let's not talk about the 30 issue. Okay lets!! I was having a hard time with turning 30. I was working 80 hour week sometimes, alone, not having enough time in life to do the lil things like pay your bills, not having relations with Ben & Jerry, and I totally hot after a guy 3000 miles away. As I was flying out to meet Bernie, I knew I was about to meet someone that I wanted in my corner of the ring. After a couple of trips out to be with him, I knew that was my place to be. So I moved!! Had a couple of job interviews via the phone but Bellingham, Washington was a tough job market. It took me over a year to get a job. So guess what, Judge Judy & I become buddies again. Diet Coke and Chips were invited to the pity party and the couch too. You know what happened next. All that money and hard work went down in flames!! Once the smoke cleared, 340 pound Beth reappeared.

What's different this time you ask?? I was thinking about and trying to decide which route to go since I was ready of the lifestyle change. The real kick in the pants was the conversion that my father in law had with my husband about my health and weight. I guess wasn't hiding it from anyone that I was obese!! This time is different because it is just not me anymore. I have Bernie to think about and any kids that we may be blessed with. Why would I want to have anything that I can have a hand in controlling put me in harms way if we were to have kids? Why would I want to put Bernie in a position of being a single father at the age of 50? Why would I want my legacy be to the chunky kid card?

So on August 20, 2006, I walk through the door a the local Weight Watcher Center and started the journey of my life.

It will be a journey for life since I seem not to be able to be accountable to myself like I am to others.

I love food, it is a passion of mine, but like any other drug. I'm addicted to it!! Hello, My Name is Beth, and I'm a food addict!!

A First

I'm dipping my toes in the blogging pool!!

I want to share my journey so that I might be motivation to anyone out there who has ever struggled with being overweight, obese, fluffy, extra fluffy, chunky, fat or whatever it is called that day.

I have discovered that I don't always have to wear my happy mask to cover up the fact that I was hurting being obese. I really hate hearing that word but it was reality and I could no longer keep fooling people that I was happy.

So, I decided that I needed to make a change in my lifestyle so that my legacy wouldn't be the cheerful obese lady. Since only 2 out of 3 were right.